A Season for Reflection

Lent is upon us. Forty days and forty night of sacrifice is upon us. But what I find is that people forget the true purpose of Lent-- it's supposed to be a time when we reflectupon our lives and learn how we can lead our lives more faithfully and live more closely to the Bible. So this year I'm not giving up candy. I'm not giving up cursing or Facebook. Instead I've decided that I'm going to use these forty days to evaluate my life and make decisions to create a more faithful life.

Faith used to play a big part of my life. Especially when I was part of the Peer Ministry at home, I was very into living my life through faith. I miss that. I miss those people. They were some spectacular people that I can't believe I shared so much of my life with. The first year I did, I was the awkward young one, the outsider who was different in a few ways from everyone else. But we had a common thread and common goal. We all lived by the Bible and we all wanted to spread our message of love and acceptance to our peers. I had tried to get out of it-- I was worried about getting a job and becoming an editor at my school newspaper (and how well that turned out!), but Mrs. Riley told me to try it out anyway. I can't believe that I almost missed out on such a group of people. I miss planning Antioch, getting excited to go to Camp Merryheart and leading prayers and discussions where you get to see those around you and yourself opening their hearts and minds and becoming better people for it. I miss listening to White Snake and "Lean on Me" incessantly and singing them when I couldn't hear them. My friends who didn't know what I had experienced would roll their eyes at me, but I really didn't care. I couldn't expect them to understand because I hadn't understood either.
But now, I really only go to Mass when I'm at home and mainly because my parents make me. Why did I let that happen to myself? I guess with the hecticness of college living, church just fell by the wayside. The half hour commute to the center ws a little too much for me. And while college students have been part of the Peer Ministry, I find it nearly impossible to leave on the weekends. So I miss out on those bonding events, the planning meetings, and worst of all, I miss out on Antioch. I still hear "Lean on Me" and think of those amazing people, and everytime I hear "Here I Go Again" I can't help but yell "Hats off for Whitesnake!" even though people just look at me like I'm an idiot.
I miss feeling connected to my faith and feel ashamed that I think of it as too time consuming in my life at school. I wanted to go to Ash Wednesday services today. I felt like if I were to go for a service at the beginning of Lent, I could start reconfirming my faith. Unfortunately my schedule just really doesn't allow for it--that's terrible! I just said how I'm ashamed that I have the feeling that religion is too time consuming, but the fact of the matter is that I do have a lot of school work to get done and that is why I'm in SU.
Anyway, I feel that getting ashes in a reconfirmation of my faith is just too public. I often find myself too public with my faith and don't want to be like that anymore. One Bible passage that always sticks with me is the direction about following a life of prayer and fasting:

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
Matthew 6:05-08, 16-18

I have been thinking about the begining of Lent and what it has to be for me this year, and I feel like that is the true purpose of this day. It's a somber day when we reflect on our faith and the 40 days ahead of us until we celebrate our salvation. And for Lent, that's just what I'll do.

I remember being Confirmed, and honestly I think that was a lot easier. But now I venture out into reConfirmation, I hope that I can find the strength that I had around within me.

I dont know where Im going
But, I sure know where Ive been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An Ive made up my mind,
I aint wasting no more time
But, here I go again
Here I go again

(Hats off for Whitesnake!)

And the Oscar Goes To...

So I guess a lot of people write about the Oscars. There are always a few good topics to go off of: the fashion for the red carpet lovers and the awards for the the film fans. I am one of those people who fall under both. I need to talk about both of the topics that filled my night last night.
As I watched, my friend, slightly inebriated (alright, he was drunk*), wrote a "Live Oscar Note" which I had great fun talking to him about and, at times, offering my own insights on the evening.
*Please note that mentioned friend is 21 years old and there was no illegal underage drinking involved.

Here is MY chance, though, to share my thoughts and feelings on everything from beginning to end. But don't worry, I won't comment on everything--just award my own superlatives and comment on a few things.
Let it begin!
Just like they begin, I will begin with fashion on the Red Carpet:
Best Dressed: Amy Adams.
I realize that there are people who weren't fans (ahem, Perez Hilton) of Miss Adam's look on the red carpet, but I absolutely loved the red/turquoise combination. It's elegant and sophisticated in my book. Also, it's not really a color combination that many people see on the red carpet, giving her a unique, unexpected look. I will admit that I wasn't completely sold on the necklace at first: I thought it was a bit too heavy for her petite frame, but as I examined her ensemble further, I realized that it was that piece that really sold me on the entire look. The dress is simple enough to warrant such a loud piece and it dresses up her chest and shoulder area quite a bit. I also appreciated that her other accessories, including her hair and make-up did not compete with the jewelry. I hate when anyone goes with several loud pieces, but the simplicity of the rest of the entire get-up only accentuates her choice in the piece and her beauty. I'm actually really impressed by this because I'm really not a fan of redheads wearing red.
Other nominees: Taraji P. Henson and Penelope Cruz

Worst Dressed: Tilda Swinton.
I really, really, really want someone to tell that woman (really?) that sacs are not appropriate for the red carpet! At least this year it wasn't a black velvet one. I will, in fact, admit that Swinton looked a lot better this year, the two tones at least broke up the bagginess of the ugliness. Maybe I'm opposed to her Red Carpet looks because I find her not very attractive at all (am I really alone on that one?), but I think the woman (again, really?) could use some guidance from Valentino or Galliano.
Seriously, I think that if she were to have a dress with a gorgeous silhouette and her hair done in such a way that was a little less harsh than all pulled away from her face and lost the harsh red lip that she wouldn't appear as appallingly scary as she does usually. I realize that she is a bit older than some of the women strutting down the Red Carpet and is not going to don a slink number or anything too glittery, but can't she take a page out of Merryl Streep's book and look sophisticated but glamorous and fashionable? I really don't think it's all too much to ask for.
Other Nominees: Jessica Biel and Reece Witherspoon

Best Red Carpet Interviewer: Tim Gunn.
I'm biased. I would love for this man to be my best friend. He's a perfect gentleman, he knows fashion and is just such a pleasure to talk with. At least, I think he would be. Man, if only I could meet him and talk to him. It would be such a pleasure. Unfortunately, ABC was not doing very long Red Carpet interviews, so Tim Gunn had very little extensive screen time. But when he was on the screen, he was so nice, respectful to the stars and so complimentative. Plus, you KNOW he's best friends with Heidi Klum, which is awesome (even though she almost made the worst dressed nomination list. She let that dress wear her.)
No other nominees as Tim Gunn has stolen my heart. Tim Gunn, if you're there, please, let's get lunch soon! And we'll go shopping so you can teach me what I need to know.

Worst Red Carpet Interviewer: Ryan Seacrest.
No one likes him. He's annoying, he's nosy when unnecessary and he gets way too much screen time. The only reason E! keeps him around is that they like having the exclusives from American Idol. Totally not worth it.

Best New Aspect of the Academy Awards: (Supporting) Actor/Actress Presenters.
Receiving an Oscar is a very prestigous achievement. Each winner is essentially initiated (or re-initiated in the case of the amazing and lucky ones) into an amazing fraternity of talent and respect. The fact that they had previous recipients present the acting awards really showcased that initiation. The montage before each category was not annoying and the personalization of each nominee's intro was a classy touch. It really kicked the show up a classy notch, unfortunately I cannot say the same thing for including Sophia Loren in the Best Actress presentation. As my inebriated friend proposed to his readers: "Sophia Loren looks like a zombie. Toss up: who's more dead - Mickey Rourke or Sophia Loren?"
Other Nominees: Not having the host on the stage for very long.

Worst Aspect of the Academy Awards: Incorporating Vanessa Hudgens (and Zac Efron*) into the Musical Medley.
I found the medley to be weak in general. There were some really rough transitions between songs and some of it was a bit sloppy. Then there's all the talk about Beyoncé pulling an Ashlee Simpson. Did she lip sync? Maybe she did, and maybe she didn't; but at least everyone knows she does have the voice (I can admit despite not being a fan) where as Ashlee? That's debatable. But what really threw the the reputation of the number out for me was the incorporation of Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron. I don't think they really had any right to be on that stage on a night dedicated to the theatrial elite. I realize that ABC is a faction of Disney, Inc., but I would really like if they stopped forcing their teeny-bopper, cookie-cutter stars into my life. I deal with hearing all about Hannah Montana and High School Musical from my seven-year-old cousin at family functions. Can't the adults have one night free of these hyper-commercialized teens?
*Please not that Efron's performance/inclusion was less obnoxious because of his role in Hairspray, BUT his true association is still with Disney.

Luckiest Cast and Crew: Slumdog Millionaire.
Alright, so I haven't seen the movie--yet. But I feel like it shouldn't have SWEPT 8 awards! Wall-E had a phenomenal sound mixing. In fact no one probably would have liked Wall-E as much had it not been for the awesome mixing. It's also probably unfair that Slumdog won both Best Score and Best Song.
Don't get me wrong-- I'm happy that Slumdog was celebrated, but it's not longer the strong-hearted underdog movie that people want recognized. Now it's the massive bully movie that makes all the other movies feel like shit.

Most Deserved Win: Dustin Lance Black AND Heath Ledger
Maybe some people won't greewith this because his win was for a screeplay bout a gay political activist. What do I mea? Let's face it: there's a bias in the Academy. Afterall, these are people voting for these so objectivity is impossible. So some people that that a screenplay about queer political activism winning is just playing into that. I disagree. Okay, so this another movie that I haven't seen (YET!), but I've heard so many good things about it, especially the writing. Maybe I'll change my mind once I've seen it, but I have an idea that it really is an amazing screenplay. Sean Penn's win, however, may be a result of that subjectivity. Let's look at a little bit of history of actors in gay roles: Phillip Seymour Hoffman for Capote--WIN. Tom Hanks for Philadelphia--WIN. But writing is different. If it's bad writing, not even Marlon Brando could save it (yes, he is my stand-by reference for an acting god), but wen the writing is good, it's gool. And it seems like Black had gold and Penn just got to reap the benefits.

And regarding Heath Ledger: Duh. Tragedy or no tragedy, when an actor can transform himself into something completely unrecognizable to become such a pop culture symbol, that's Oscar Worthy.

Just Give it Up

It's evident that artist Sean Delonas is suffering. The New York Post cartoonist has been receiving flack for a while now, and yet he thinks that he can still make reprehensible drawings that will entertain the viewers.

Today's Post included a pathetic attempt to send the country back into raging racism. Depicting President Obama as a monkey is racist and in poor taste. Delonas needs to grow up and join the more civilized society that has formed around, and obviously without, him.
But what I find really strange is that the Post would actually print such a cartoon. Is there no one to check the cartoons for their appropriateness? It scares me that someone or even several people looked at that cartoon and thought that it would be a good idea to publish it. There have been several instances of this happening with Delonas cartoons, but this seems to be the clearest cut form of persecutory discrimination, that and the stupid cartoon relating same-sex relationships to bestiality (obviously, Delonas and I can never be friends). So what does that say about the higher ups at the New York Post? So in a sense, it can't be totally Delonas's fault--though I would love to blame him and only him. What I've realized is that this means that Delonas isn't the only pathetic bigots with the power to share their opinions on a mass level.

I realize that political cartoons are supposed to be provocative, and they can't always reflect everyone's feelings, but this is going too far. Delonas has taken provocative and made it offensive and ignorant. I hope the Post has learned its lesson and chooses to NOT use any more drawings by this man.

It's Been Awhile

I haven't written in a rather long time--things happen and priorities are sorted. I doubt anyone really minded because it's not like I have a readership at all. Oh well though. I will start writing once more. I think it's good for me to have somewhere to vent, discuss important topics or draw attention to things that I have found that I like (or hate for that matter). 

 Topic of today's discussion: New Year's Resolutions-- or the breaking of them.

So here we go, my resolution to make 2009 the year of progress: 

 Stop watching so many bad VH1 reality shows a la Rock of Love and I Love Money (Yay for a second season!)

Reason for this Resolution: Isn't it obvious? They're not good programming. They're mindless and I have a feeling they may have a negative impact on my intellect. Also they're terrible time wasters as they're always on repeat during the day

and aid in my horrible habit of procrastination.

Resistance: They're amazin

gly entertaining. Althou

gh they may have bad effects on my own intelligence, these shows and the antics of the poor people with such pathos really do entertain me. I find them hilariou

s. I didn't watch Real Chance of Love to see women throwing themselves at two reality show veterans. No, I watched to see how low the American population can be (or how ADORABLE they can be in the case of Corn Fed!). Also there was something exciting about tuning in to find out how Real would wear his hair: straight or curly locks-- or BRAIDED PIGTAILS?!?

Resolution Revised: I must limit the amount I watch these shows, but I do not have to cut them out of my life entirely. Also, I must engage in something that is productive for my mind-- attending class not included. I'll read another newspaper online

 or read one of the recommended articles that my professors post to Blackboard but do not require (does anyone read those?).

Obviously there are other resolutions, relating to academics, weight loss and relationships, but this one is the biggest one for me.

While keeping your resolutions, I hope that the whole idea is to make yourself a better person, not to torture yourself. So maybe you might want to consider revising that resolution to make your life still enjoyable but more improved at the same time. You'll find that it's a lot easier to handle and perhaps we won't forget by February 1st that any of us had ever made any resolutions.

So what are these resolutions that you've made? Are you sticking with them? Have you, like me, revised them to make them easier but more achievable? Or do you think I'm a crock who just gave up on her resolution too? Let me know in the comments.

TIll I think of another topic to discuss. . .

-Carolyn 

A funny thing happened when I got an apartment

Weird things are happening now that I live in an apartment:

-I clean all the time now. Unfortunately it doesn't look like it from the appearance of everything. I take into consideration that I still have more of an affinity toward throwing things around than cleaning them, but that doesn't mean that I don't clean MORE now than I used to. I don't think my roommates are even aware that I've cleaned the toilet twice since we've been here, and yes, we have been here for less than 2 months. Do you even own a toilet bowl scrubber?

-I like to cook. What I cook may be bland. It may not be fancy. But it's good and I enjoy it. I'd rather defrost some chicken, throw some seasonings and grill it and melt cheese on it than cook up some macaroni and cheese. I feel more accomplished.

-Living with people in an apartment is completely different from having a roommate. We have more of a home now than I had last year. And what comes with that is that we each have our own ways of doing things that we've grown up with that we sort of clash. Like I say dirty dishes go into a tub with hot soapy water so that they don't just accumulate in the sink. Others say, have them accumulate then fill the entire sink with hot soapy water. I still can't seem to wrap my head around that one, but that's what I've always done, so my way seems strange to others.

-I hate not being able to control the temperature of this place, especially in my room. I do not understand why my room is always several (NOTICEABLE) degrees colder than the rest of the apartment. When I say noticeable, I'm not making things up. I have had several people vouch for me that my room is, in fact, the coldest. What I can't seem to understand is why that happens when I keep my room door open all day. You would assume that the heat would flow among all the rooms. I'm considering talking to the Ghostbusters about some possible spiritual happenings that may or may not be occurring in my bedroom and whether or not this has an effect on the frigid climate.

This is all for now.

Syracuse Adventure: Pastabilities

I understand that a lot of people have been to Pastabilities before, but last night was a first-time opportunity for me.
The other day was my birthday and my friends and I decided to go out for a special dinner--we decided on a carbo-load---and OH what an experience.
It wasn't too difficult to get to. From Main Campus, it is easy for students to take either the Warehouse Route or Connective Corridor bus downtown, conveniently near Armory Square and the restaurant.
It's a large restaurant, much larger than it appears from the outside. However Pastabilities is a local favorite and can get very busy, so it is recommended that you get a reservation for during the week, or arrive early on the weekend when they don't accept reservations.
My friends and I, a group of 7, arrived around 5:30 and were seated within 5 minutes.
The menu is a little limited. I was expecting a few more dishes to be offered, and was disappointed that there wasn't much more to choose from. But the choices they did have all seemed enticing. Everyone in my party wound up getting something different and enjoying it greatly.
The portions were large, but not unmanageable. I hate when you go to a restaurant and can't even fathom how they expect you to finish the dish in front of you within a week. I was only able to eat half of my Seafood Marinara before I started feeling full. Had I not eaten so much bread beforehand, I probably could have eaten almost all of the pasta.
The pasta was excellent, as I would expect. My meal came with scallops, which were so delicious!
The one thing that did surprise me was the bread. I was a little disappointed that the bread they serve is not warm. However, instead of butter or oil being served with it, a slightly spicy, warm tomato sauce was served and it was just so good!
The prices for the meals were steep, but not astronomical. Expect about a $15 charge per plate, plus anything else you order.
I will definitely going back sometime soon. My eyes are set on some their other dishes.

Vodka is the Best Stuff on Earth

Here's the proof that vodka is probably the most useful stuff on earth.

When reading, please disregard the fact that in many instances, vodka is used as a cleaning agent, which isn't a good sign about our consumption of it.

My particular favorite is the fact that you can use it to clean up vomit. Hopefully, by the time you need it for that purpose, you still have some in the bottle. I also think that it's ironic that the probable cause of the vomit is also the cleaner.

Pale IS the new tan

At least Dita Von Teese Says so.

A lot of girls spend hours and hours, not to mention so much money, on getting that perfect "sexy" tan. You know, that perfect tan that will make all the boys go oooh, and other girls wish they could have. You could equate the sexiness of a perfect summer tan to the sexiness of burlesque dancing.
Because every guy wags his tongue at Dita Von Teese, and girls wish they could move and seduce like her.
Except Dita Von Teese is very anti-tan.
She avoids the sun at all costs, knowing the danger it can be. The ultra-seductive woman doesn't just stop at a good sunblock and a wide-brim hat, which she mysteriously makes fashionable. No, the temptress goes as far as bringing UV-proof curtains with her where ever she goes. She avoids foods that act as catalysts for the sun, and she won't even use hotel pools during the day.
This lady is devoted to avoiding the sun. With good reason too. Von Teese knows that gravity and time will inevitably take its toll on her body eventually. She doesn't want to accelerate nature though.
"My worst fear is looking down and seeing brown, wrinkly cleavage. It will get white and wrinkly, but there is no need to rush it," she says.


Meaning, Dita Von Teese is my new heroine. =)

Maybe I'll find more of these vixens that support my cause in life: making pale beautiful.

Freshman Year: Check

My laundry is done for the most part. I've been collecting my books and cleaning dishes. I'm trying to decide what I can live for without a week and trying to figure out the ideal time to unplug my mini fridge.
It's the end of the semester, and I have to say that it's weird that I'm getting ready to move back to NJ. Syracuse isn't just where I go to school anymore. I live in Syracuse. Nine out of 12 months a year I now spend in New York state.
I think about what life in NJ is going to be like this summer. It'll be weird having my own room again. When I went home on breaks, I went with a lot of laundry, my computer, and more or less a bag of things I'd need for the weekend, 7 days, or month. It was never a permanent situation. I more or less had to rummage through bags to find things. But when I go home this time, I will be unpacking. All my clothes will go into drawers, my closet, or into storage until I need them again in the fall.
I won't have a pile of bags or boxes in my room that remind me that I'll be leaving the state in a matter of hours, days, or weeks.
And yes, that does make me a bit sad. While I've been living in Syracuse for a year now, I don't really know the city yet.
Anne and I resolved to explore the city more next year. We'll take the warehouse bus or connective corridor bus and walk around the city, browsing the boutiques and side stores and trying new restaurants. I live in a beautiful city and I intend on exploring it.
Hackettstown, on the other hand, is a small town that doesn't really have much going on. I know what's there and there's really nothing too fun or exciting to do. In order to do something new, I need to drive, which isn't a problem, except money. Gas is so expensive (although the good thing about living in NJ is that you have some of the cheapest gas prices around), and my car isn't exactly a hybrid or energy efficient car.


What I'm looking forward to this summer:
Seaside Heights and the Jersey Shore: Sure, NJ has a bad reputation for being a classless, dirty place, but it really is nice. I love going to the beach. It's such a quintessential summer environment and the ocean is so different and can be way more fun than a backyard pool. Then there's the boardwalk. Your nose is hit with a combination of saltwater, pizza, cheesesteaks and seafood, with a hint of alcohol wherever you go. Bright lights flash as you pass by the endless lines of carnival games, and you see hilarious tee shirts with obscene comments hanging up outside little shops. You hear a mixture of music coming from the nearest bars, restaurants, shops, and game areas. It's enough to cause a migraine, but instead, the combination gives you a rush.
I love rides, but when I go down the shore I usually go on only one. I bypass the smaller rides for the $20/ride thrills. I figure, why go small when you can go all the way. I've done the skyscraper, and I've done the slingshot several times. This summer I plan on mustering all my courage to finally take the plunge. I will go on the "Sky Dive," where I'll swing out and over the ocean, screaming my head off, feeling as though I might be able to fly.

Earning Money: I've made a little bit of money this past semester thanks to Campus Catering. However, the summer provides the chance for me to earn lots and lots of cash to spend on activities, souvenirs, and gas this summer as well as get a financial basis for next year. I want to work at least 2 jobs, which will take up a lot of time, but in the long run, it's what I need.

Things to Dread this summer:
Living with my Parents: I've been more or less on my own for the past year. Don't get me wrong, I'm no where near independent of my parents, but I have been the one solely responsible for my academics (I didn't need to hear "How's the homework situation ONCE"), eating balanced meals (and with the exceptions of a few bowls of Reese's Puffs here and there, I've done pretty well), and getting to sleep (maybe I'm still perfecting that responsibility, but hey it's college). But going home, my parents will take the reins in my life again. I'll have to ask permission to go places again. I'll have a curfew again. I'll have their nagging that I should probably do something for my academics. I will no longer be a young adult. I will return to the life of a child, one that never makes his or her decisions and must make sure to do exactly as her parents say.

Missing Friends from School: It's weird to think that most of my friends will be scattered throughout the lower 48, and one will be almost halfway across the Pacific Ocean.

Making Up for Spring Break

So I distinctly remember being disappointed by my first ever college spring break experience. I wanted warmth. I wanted sunshine. Instead, I was cold and it was rainy in New Jersey. But it seems as though my parents are making up for this sub-par experience by taking me to the Caribbean this summer. That's right. I will be leaving this wind tunnel on the 7th of May and getting on a direct flight to paradise on the 11th.
This is one of the pictures from the resort where I'll be staying-- La Casa del Mar. It's an all inclusive resort where I will spend my days on the beach or next to the infinity pool reading a book (of my choosing) and sipping margaritas and daquiris-- the drinking age is 18, and my mom has already agreed that I will be allowed to drink.
Not too shabby, eh?

Well before I get to spend a glorious week in the gorgeous Caribbean, I have to get through this semester. I feel rather unmotivated to do my work. I feel even less motivated to write for student publications.
I've written several articles for the Daily Orange. I haven't been very happy with 2 of them--my first story and my last story, but what really doesn't help is this one nagging pain-in-the-ass who's this terribly critical and terribly condescending person.
I feel as though I don't even want to write for Daily Orange because I don't want to go in there where I know my story will get ripped apart. Such harsh criticism with absolutely no hint that your work is even a little satisfactory kills creativity. Meaning--my creativity is hanging on for dear life right now.
My allergies are bugging me. I was at the gym yesterday and my sinuses were hurting and my throat is sore--it doesn't help to be around people who seem to think chain smoking is a varsity sport--I am particularly efficient in finding the people who are going for the championship.
I've decided that I will start talking to people from home more. I'm tired of not being in contact with those people. I do miss them and can't wait to see them and hear about their exciting years.
I guess the truth is that I'm very terrible at keeping in touch with people. If you're not around me and I'm not in constant contact with you, I feel as though you have other more important things going on-- people to see, things to do, you know, other stuff.
But I'm going to make an effort in getting in touch again.
I think I'll feel a little less isolated this summer by doing this too.
Anyway, I have a test in an hour and since buses are obnoxious and such, I better get a move on.

Lesson: "Jack Shephard" does not a good movie make

Do you remember the days when you could go see a movie with whatever actor you thought hottest at the moment, and think that movie was spectacular.
It happened to me with Justin Timberlake in Model Behavior.
And Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic.-- except now he's become a really reputable actor.
And I thought it would happen with Matthew Fox in Vantage Point.
I've fallen in love with Jack Shephard on Lost because.... well, alright, he's sexy.
So, imagine my intrigue and excitement when I found out that my beloved Matthew Fox plays a major part in Columbia Picture's latest movie, Vantage Point.
Tonight I went to the theater with my parents expecting a well put-together action thriller that was intriguing from start to finish.
That didn't happen.
The storyline was amazing:
At the beginning of a Summit on Terror in Spain, there is an obvious threat on the PotUS (President of the United States). So a PotUS double fills in for the highly public and highly publicized event. Despite the high anxiety of previously shot secret serviceman, disaster strikes: The PotUS double is shot and injured, an explosion happens at a prestigious hotel, and the Plaza Mayor (where the summit even takes place) is blown up.
The story is told in flashbacks of several people who were there or central to the unfolding of all the events.
The makings of a truly amazing book.
A lot of the camera work was very bumpy-- to give the intense illusion of disaster and chaos. Instead, it just created nausea and a headache of a movie to watch.
I also understand that the flashbacks were an integral part of the movie, but I don't think it was necessary to show most of the actions that you just saw happen in reverse to give the idea of a flashback.
The purpose was to give the feeling of rewinding time. Instead, it just caused impatience. It would have been simpler and less headache-inducing had they done it a simpler way.

Reasons to love it:
The car chase: it was unrealistic like any good chase scene. Definitely fast, definitely intense.
Smoldering Matthew Fox playing a surprising role. He's not the hero that everyone is used to seeing him play on Lost.

Reasons to hate it:
Everything else. The camera work fails to do what it intends. The good plot line is terribly portrayed on film. Oh and quite a bit of predictability.
But I guess you can't expect a movie to actually show the U.S. in a losing position, so of course all bad guys die in the end.

Spring Break Vent

Drinking on the beach getting a fabulous tan and doing some hardcore partying at night.
Okay, so this has never been exactly my idea of a great spring break. I don't tan, burn, and partying would be painful as hell.
That said, I would love to be somewhere WARM for the break. I'm shivering in my house even under blankets. BRR
I'd also like to be somwhere with my friends and not with my parents. They're on my back about a lot of things. I had been looking forward to relaxing during this week off while getting things done but NO. She has to ruin this, doesn't she?
But I guess that's my life.
Or wait, it's not.
Because if it were my own life, I'd have at least a LITTLE bit of say about what I do everyday, but no, it seems like I have to make sure that what I want to do with my time is okay with everyone else. I'm sick of it.
Oh and guess what! You don't have to be in contact with me 5 times a day. It's just UNNECESSARY! You're not my best friend-- by any stretch of the imagination. So just leave me alone. You're not someone I consider worth my time.

Yeah I needed to rant.
I'm beginning to see that this summer is going to suck. Hopefully I'll be working a lot of nights so that I don't have to deal with her as much.

Amore sucks

People have been saying it for years: MTV has gone down SO MUCH! But I think everyone has that one MTV show that she has to watch. Whether it's watching lives go down the drain on True Life, or screw ups say "I Do" on Engaged and Underage, or a "bisexual" girl go back and forth between men and women and eventually saying "No" to the best person on the show (Yes, I have a bit of a girl crush on Danni), MTV offers a little guilty pleasure for everyone.
But I can almost foresee the end of the "music" network. Shows are getting cheaper and trashier.
It's newest installment, That's Amore, is a hopeless plea for ratings. A cute little Italian boy--coincidentally the fun-loving and often picked-on Domenico-- has girls ruthlessly get down and dirty to win his affections.
Reasons to Love it:
There are times when it seems like Domenico isn't just a horny guy who wants some girls to parade around in skimpy clothes for him. Plus, his little accent is undeniably cute. (Come on, I'm only human)
Reasons to Hate it:
Most of the premise is about having bikini-clad girls with fake boobs, fake hair, and faker tans get messy and downright dirty.
Most of the girls want to be on TV and be labeled as the "bitch." I think Kim has the chance to have her OWN spin-off reality show. I wonder what the quirky little title will be.

Oh, and I'm not really sure why Domenico goes through all this when he's most obviously interested in Kathleen. DUH.

Food.Com

It's the end of the day. Ha, I'm not kidding anyone! The day has barely begun, but my energy level is certainly suffering. I'm sitting in Newhouse III, looking at the style book and the flyer that I should probably be going throI don't think I'm a big fan of where I'm sitting.. I've sat at this table before and I always feel like I'm cold. No matter what, it's a little too chilly for my likingugh, giving me an extra edge. But I'm not. I'm ranting in my blog because I'm tired and don't want to focus on what I HAVE to get done. There's a, for the most part empty, starbucks cup that only seemed to give me a sugar headache rather than the energy I needed.
I'm sitting at a table where I can see cars and walkers ass by the school on Waverly Street and can just make out people going up and down Marshall Street with what I can only assume is a cup of Starbucks coffee.
I'm busy today. I don't know if that's exactly true, but it certainly feels as though I have a lot to do. Maybe I'm not looking forward to the fact that I won't be back on South Campus (:home:) 9. And I still want to work out tonight. Meaning I won't have a chance to rest until 10 or 11. That's probably why I'm not sitting in Heroy trying to pretend like I'm actually learning anything in my Math class. So right now I have an hour to kill while I wait for Spanish class.
Mreh, I should have brought my book with me. I started to read The Other Boelyn Girl again last night and it was good! I had started to read it and have been reading a page or two whenever I get the chance....meaning I have not read pretty much at all. SO last night I had sometime and decided to read for 2 hours. It was good and I got quite a bit read. I can't wait until the movie comes out. First of all, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Scarlett Johannson. Second of all, I think it would be really interesting to see how she and Natalie Portman work together. I'm still bewildered that Scarlett plays a submissive docile role to Natalie's dominant headstrong role. I think Lara and I are going to go see it when it comes out seeing as she's read the book. It doesn't look like ti's going to be very good as far as being an adaptation, but that doesn't mean that it can't be a good movie.
I'm not really a fan of the table where I am. I seem to sit at this exact table a lot, but I always wind up feeling cold. There's something about it's location that just makes it drafty. I guess I could put a coat on, but ih. haha
I'm going through Kelina's iTunes right now because I pretty much have nothing else to do. Sad, right? Oh well. Actually I'm listening to a bunch of songs that se apparently has never listened to on her. Which feels kinda weird. I think I'm the only person in the world that would feel weird about that. But I feel as though I shouldn't listen to something on someone else's computer that they haven't listened to yet. Yeah, I know, I'm really retarded.
So I'm looking at this building that is either right on Marshall Street or right by it, and I'm looking at the to of it and I really want to have an apartment there. Is that weird too? Wanting to have a an apartment in a place that might not have apartments. Well, luckily for me, it looks like an apartment buildin. But I mean I guess the building in general looks nice. But I think I would just want to live at the top. I don't really know how to describe it, but it's looks really cool with little alcoves where the windows are. It's pretty. Probably really expensive seeing as it looks like it would be ridiculously huge. And it would be a pain in the ass to have to walk up what looks like 5 flights stairs. Maybe it has an elevator. And maybe, just maybe, I'll get off campus housing one year and I'll look into that building. It's got a pretty awesome location--right on Marshall Street, no more than 100 yards or so from the doors to Newhouse III with ample parking for it's tenants. Yeah, definitely wicked expensive. Well, maybe I'll find 4 people to share an apartment with so we can split the cost nicely.
Ah, 1/2 hour until Spanish.
Ugh, except last night didn't end nicely in my opinion. We started talking about the lives of people who are poorer than we are. Okay, fine. But those conversations go in the same direction. It becomes a competition for everyone--let's see who's the best humanitarian. "We just don't understand." "They have it so rough." "We're so spoiled." I feel like these are bold-faced lies not becuase of what they're saying--because it's all true-- but because they're still blind. Yes, we already know that we just don't understand the conditions in which these people must live. Yes, they do have it rough when they cannot afford food and clothing for themselves and their families. But more than that, the "We're so spoiled" is what bothers me. It's one thing to say it. That doesn't make you a noble. Because I'm sure that as soon as those students left that classroom, they pulled out their iPod or comparable mp3 player and/or cell phone without a second thought. The idea that anyone could not own an iPod or a computer with which to put music on the iPod is foreign. But why should it? Is an iPod really all that necessary? I mean, those people carry on happily enough without those earbuds bursting music that destroys both our hearing and our social connections. We are spoiled, but it goes beyond what people even realize. We're spoiled with the idea that what we have is necessary to have a good life.
I don't know what I would prefer. And for anyone that does actually read this, I'm not saying that people should give up these things. I know I wouldn't want to. I love my iPod. I LOVE my cell phone. But don't tell me that people around the world have it so bad and that we're so spoiled while you're texting someone. It'll rub me the wrong way.

I know that might not have made sense. It doesn't make that much sense to me just yet either. All I know is that I'm tired of talking about poverty. I'd rather go to Appalachia again or even go to another country and DO something for these people that we're talking about. I love doing that and I miss it.
Anyway this is all for now.

First Week of Classes, Home Again?

I'm freaking out less about money. Willingly saying no to things that cost money is a lot easier than I had imagined. I applied to that job, but I still haven't heard from them...I should probably call or visit them again tomorrow to find out if I got the job. I'm kinda nervous because in this case, no news is probably bad news, right?
So, now that I'm done with going on and on about my finances, let me write a bit about my classes.
First class of the week is Geology. I'm actually not dreading the boredom of the lecture as much as I had been. I've realized that I know quite a few people in the lecture--like Karl and Tia from SkyMansion! The three of us are intent on doing well and taking good notes in lecture, but at the same time, we're not those creepy kids who sit front row center and get tense if we hear a SOUND other than the professor. Meaning, it'll be fun, and I'm not worried about not being able to focus.
Entonces, tengo espanol dos. Esta clase va a ser mas dificil que espanol uno pero no estoy preocupada. Conozco solo un amigo pero los estudiantes son simpaticos.
News Writing is going to be a good class. I was dreading this class because I've heard horror stories about it, but once I met my instructor, my nerves subsided a bit. Professor Sharp is a kind woman who is clear about what she wants and seems really helpful and open to ideas. However, I turn in my first story tomorrow and maybe I'll be venting about how horrible and mean she is next week when I get my story back, murdered with red ink. Tomorrow I also find out how I did on the grammar evaluation we took the first day of class. If I scored higher than an 80, it's not important that I go to the grammar slammer sessions every week, which doesn't fit into my schedule anyway. If I scored lower, than it is "highly recommended" that I attend the weekly sessions. Hopefully, my training from Mrs. R in 8th grade didn't fail me.
I feel as though I'm missing a class...
Oh! Elements of Modern Mathematics! This class is such a joke from as far as I can see right now. It's absolutely ridiculous how simple the math we're doing is. My friend AJ from SkyMansion is also in the class, and we are dumbstruck by the pace and manner in which the class is taught. But we figure OH WELL, we'd love to have a nice cushy math grade!

And then there is fencing! I love love love love the fact that I'm going to be doing fencing, even if it's very little. I really miss being able to go to all the practices and meets, and even though this class won't be anywhere near as intense as the Ps' practices, it'll still be something! I just wish it weren't only one night per week!

And of course, I wouldn't be back in Syracuse if I didn't feel that little pinch of sadness that comes from missing Gabriel. I know it's sad that it's only been a week and I miss him, but I like being able to see him all the time...or at least SOME times. I don't think this semester will be as tragically difficult as last semester was, but that doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about him and different things we could be doing. I hope I get to see him during this semester. I hope so sooo badly, but if it doesn't work out that way, I can't wait until the summer. =)

Can I just say that Syracuse doesn't feel the same as it did last semester? I feel as though some of the dynamic has changed. People have less of a presence, I'm seeing people differently, and some people have just kinda changed I think. I guess it was bound to happen. I mean everything seemed magically perfect last semester when everything was very new, even at the end of the semester. Now, this place and routine is old hat for us, and some of that shiny newness has rubbed off. I'm not saying that I'm unhappy here now, because that's not true for a second. I'm just feeling a little bit like I need to adjust again. I have a feeling that some of it is my fault. Once I get comfortable with something, I become more reserved and quiet. But I need to realize that if I change, than other things change. Dynamics change. But I can't always be that excited freshman, eager to make new friends and have a great time. I'm not saying that that was an act or that I wasn't being myself, but after awhile, I can't do it anymore and just want to be comfortable again, but something just doesn't seem completely right.

It's only the first week back though. I'm sure everything will sink into normality, and I'll feel at home once again.

Oh god, I might have to be THAT kid...

So I'm broke. Broke broke. After paying close to $300 on books, I have less than $100 in my bank account. That's no good right? So I might have to be that person who calls up her parents to help her out financially. But, to be fair, my parents did offer to go half with me on my books. I declined at the time, telling them that I was going to try to get my books for cheaper online, but that hasn't happened. So maybe I'll have to call them and see if they're still willing to go half with me--it would be nice to have about $130 more in my account.
Also, I just went to apply for a job on campus today. I have to go to Steele Hall tomorrow to fill out the I-9 form before I can officially apply though. But if I get the job, I'd be earning $8.95/hr. At 8 hours per week, I'll be in much better shape than I am now. It'll be nice to see my account growing once again. Slowly, sure, but still growing, and at this point, that's all that matters right now. My goal is to have at the VERY LEAST $600 in my savings account and at least $150 in my checking account.
Man, I know this is a terribly boring entry, but sorry this is really boring. I AM the epitome of the poor college student.
It kind of sucks, but I also have to cash a $90 check.
I'm so used to having money. Ever since I've started to work, I haven't really had to ask my parents for money--with the exception of the month before states when my mom told me not to work. But that was her own damn fault haha.
This past summer especially, I was used to having the money. I was not only getting paid regularly, I was serving, so I was making really GOOD money and I had it in my pocket as soon as I left work. Sure, I was saving for college but at the same time I was able to go do things that I wanted to do, like go to the beach, go to Six Flags, and pay for exorbitantly high gas prices.

Oh, can I tell you right now that I'm already not looking forward to my math class, and I haven't even had a single class yet. UGH. I might as well make Blackboard my homepage because I know there will be a lot of announcements of new assignments-- already I've gotten several e-mails.

Harry Potter and some of my Syracuse Education

Dumbledore is a bad representative of the gay community. It’s a bad image.

Wait, what?
As a Time article recently explained, Dumbledore is not a good representative of the gay community because he is not very gay in the book series or the movies. He is characterized by a relationship-less life with an eerie relationship with a teenage boy. Not a healthy or positive that the role model that the queer community wants.
Because the overtly flamboyant, does-nothing-with-his-life, sex-driven image of Jack from Will and Grace—that’s POSITIVE.
I don’t think it’s fair to think that there’s going to be some ideal image of a queer person that every individual is going to be okay with, but I think that Dumbledore is a fine role model and image. Okay, so he’s not apparently gay in either the books or the movies. Who cares? Neither Professor McGonnagall nor Professor Snape is overtly heterosexual. In this hetero-normative world, people don’t care about people’s love lives…until they’re gay. Just as Sedgewick argues in her piece, Epistemology of the Closet, sexuality is private, until an individual is found to be queer. The fact that Dumbledore does not seem to have any love interest throughout the series or his special relationship with Harry did not raise too many eyebrows when he was believed to be straight. He is simply a powerful wizard who had dedicated his life to empowering young witches and wizards, especially one who proves to be highly important and special. But as soon as you factor in his sexuality, he suddenly becomes a pervert with a sick relationship with a pupil, or a weak gay role model because he doesn’t have any romantic relationships.
I am actually inclined that Dumbledore is a fine image for the queer community. He is a strong and distinguished individual who has only achieved amazing things.
Even more so I think it is a good image because there is lack of focus on his sexuality. I fear that people want to see a strong queer individual whose sexuality is pronounce and very public. But doesn’t that only highlight the idea that he is different? NOT normal? Maybe I have the wrong idea about this but I think it stresses the normalcy of queer sexuality. It forces people out of their hetero-normative ideals that you can’t automatically assume that someone is straight because his love life is private. It forces you to realize that you can’t assume anything about anyone. Everyone is individual and unique. Don’t assume. Who knows, Dumbledore is a very educated and philosophical man. He may have studied Foucault and just as Foucault refused to identify as gay or queer, Dumbledore realized the limitations of identifying himself and chose to live his life as himself, whomever he chose that to be.

Juno what I wanna do?

I really want to go see Juno. I really absolutely love Michael Cera. His subtle humor is amazing and realistic--I love that he makes the everyday awkwardness of life into something so hilarious.

I really can't wait to see the movie. And then I'll have to go home, curl up, and watch Arrested Development, because that's what I do. I see Michael and then can't get enough of him.

Bored Excitement

So break is shaping up kind of the way I expected. I'm having a great time, but still wondering about Syracuse.
I love being able to see all my Hackettstown friends, going to the places that we used to go to last year--Applebees, Friendly's (not for food, more to just see who was working and hang out), and the Budd Lake Diner. Sadly, I do realize that all these places are FOOD related. I wish there were things to do in this town besides eat out. If we had a good dance club, good thrift stores, a bowling alley, or a non-sketchy arcade, then maybe this place wouldn't feel like such an obesity trap.
But I've found some things to occupy me. I'm constantly trying to clean out my room. Little by little I'm throwing out a LOT of stuff from my room. Papers from high school that I was once convinced that I may need again one day have found their way into the garbage. Clothes that I know I won't wear ever again are sitting in either one of two trash bags--trash or donation. I still need to go through my closet but then I feel like I'll really have moved on from the ghost of the old, high school me, creating more room for the me that I've been developing and loving for the past few months.
I've seen some friends that I haven't seen in a long time. Carbi and I have cruised around Hackettstown, going from Friendly's to her house, to QuickChek wondering what the hell there is to do in this place, waiting hopelessly for our boyfriends to get out of work so that we can goto the diner, watch a movie, or go bowling in a few towns over.
But I miss Syracuse. I miss wandering aimlessly into Ric's ever-open door to crash on his (now roommate occupied) free bed, and watch him play the video game of the moment. I miss knocking on Kelina's door casually suggesting we hop on the bus to actually get decent food with Lara on Main. And, yes, I'll admit that I even miss hearing Brian's loud-as-can-be rants, whether it be about the hopelessness of liberalism, or just about the newest video game that he hasn't beaten just yet. Even more astoundingly, I miss Maxx mumbling stories while I wonder if the kid will ever speak loud enough so I can hear him the first time so that I don't have to obnoxiously say, "What?!? I can't hear you! SPEAK UP please! I'm slightly deaf!" I miss making plans with Kasey to meet on Main Campus to talk about Syracuse and Hackettstown. Weird, right?
I guess that's the weirdest part. I mean having Kasey with me at Syracuse is like having a taste of home with me on campus. She's one of my best friends from high school and I can talk to her about stuff that's going on both at home and at school without constantly reminding her who Carbi, Katie, Hali, Ric, Lara, or Kelina is. She just knows. In many ways, I feel more comfortable having her in Syracuse and in Hackettstown. I'm glad I started out my break with her going to Rutgers.
It gave me a kind of bridge to break. I mean I didn't have to get SUBMERGED into Hackettstown life. We talked about life in both towns. And I was truly happy and ready to see Hali having that buffer zone. Don't get me wrong--I would have been ecstatic to see Hali with or without that buffer zone, but I feel like I would have been awkward around her or anyone else from Hackettstown. I guess I just have trouble adjusting.

So, I thought I'd just interject her and tell you that I'm truly sorry that this post makes absolutely no sense. It really is just random thoughts being typed out as I think them. I've found that my mind doesn't go on very logical tangents, and so my writing, unless focused, goes into weird non-logical tangents.
Anyway, this next week looks like it's going to shape up really well. I'm going to see some great people tonight. Tomorrow's is Emily's birthday and we're going out tonight to celebrate--which reminds me, I have to go shopping. I'm glad she's decided on the night before for her dinner celebration because tomorrow is also Gabe's and my anniversary and we're going out. I always feel as though I always have something with him coinciding with events with them and I feel bad that I don't get to hang out with them that often. Anyway tomorrow's the anniversary and we're trying to figure out what we want to do. We know we're going out to dinner. We want to go to Legal Seafood at the Short Hills Mall, but then he suggested Carmine's. We're not going to Carmine's. I looked at their menu last night (http://www.carminesnyc.com/carmines_44st.htm) and uh, no. We don't have that kind of money. Legal's is expensive...but they don't charge $11 for garlic bread. They don't even charge that for the appetizer of fried calamari!
Theeeennnn, the next day, I go to Philly with Gabe. We're going to his friend's house who's having a New Year's party! It took a little bit of convincing to get my parents to be okay with it but I'm going, and it's going to be a great night!!!

Anyway, I know I was kinda descriptive towards the top and very non-descriptive towards the end, but I'm tired now, and will end this entry here. There will probably be more later.

oh..if I didn't mention this before--I have wireless internet now! which is the only reason I can write this right now!!! Thanks Gabriel!!!!!!

Finals and Holidays

Ah, so Thanksgiving was a nice break from the hustle and bustle of college life. Sometimes you really forget what it's like to live at home. With parents. With rules. With a car. Without your friends right next door. Without wireless internet. Without a roommate. Without cafeteria food. With pets. With a landline telephone. With the need to go out on a Friday night to have a good time.
As you can see, I'm a little split about the whole college experience still. There are so many things that I truly love about it. For the first time in...EVER...I actually feel as though I have more control about my life than, say, my mother. I'm realizing more and more each day how much I've been kept from, and learning more and more about the ways in which I was brought up. There are some common sense rules within my house that just make sense. But there is a degree of control that my parents just refuse to relinquish.
But that doesn't mean that college is completely liberating in all ways. I miss having my car. I chose where to go and when. I'm becoming more and more aware that I choose what I want to do and where I go based around buses. I actually find myself missing out on some aspects of college life just because I am so removed from everything that's going on ON CAMPUS. I need to justify the 10 to 15 minute bus ride to do anything on campus, and find myself choosing to find some alternative in my dorm.
That's not to say that's a bad thing! I have some amazing people living in my dorm. Like I said, we don't really have the NEED to go out on a Friday night in order to have fun. We stay in and create our own. I wonder if I'm limiting myself as far as making friends goes though. If I were to branch out earlier in the year, would I know more people on Main Campus. Would I have more reasons to make the trek by bus more often? Would I get more involved in campuse activities? I don't know, but for now, I'm going to say that staying on South on the weekends is the best choice for me.
Going back for Thanksgiving made me realize just how incredible WiFi is. I take for granted that I'm sitting on the bottom floor of Bird Library with not a single cord coming out of my computer as I type this on-line. This winter is not going to be fun. If I want to go on the Internet, I have to go on my old school desktop and I can't travel around my house freely. Another downside is the fact that my Mac will have no Internet for some time. I mean I COULD hook it up to the Internet. But that means disconnecting that old school desktop and then connecting the Mac, waiting for it to recognize and then connect. I have no mobility with it. I am completely strapped down by cords. And once I'm done, I have to disconnect the Mac, reconnect the desktop and figure out how to reset the connection so that my parents don't bitch at me for daring to use my computer to do anything (like iChat with my friends whom I'm so used to being right down the hall from me).
But once I go into my room. I will be all alone. ALL ALONE. There will be no roommate who's working on some art project that, frankly, doesn't really interest me. I can play my music without feeling bad that she's sitting there doing stuff. My room won't smell like food. ALL lights will go out when I go to sleep. I won't have to answer rhetorical questions like se seriously needed me to justify things. I will be ALONE. NO ONE. MY room will be MY room.
I won't have to talk when I don't want to. I can dance around when I do want to--in my underwear. I can just change my clothes or get ready for a shower without the warning "Don't turn around." It will be peaceful.
Break will be nice for once too. During every other winter break I've had, I've had to deal with homework, papers, and projects to get done. This year there will be none of that. I will be completely done with my first semester of college, for that glorious month, I won't have work to deal with. When I return I will have a completely new schedule. So for once, I feel like I'll really be able to rest without worrying if I'm forgetting to complete some project. I won't actually be procrastinating because there will be nothing to procrastinate!
Speaking of which, that's why I'm writing this. I really should be finishing my CAS essay so I can edit it later (rather, re write the first part and tighten up the second part) and writing my QSX paper. Then I need to study for my Spanish oral interview which is tomorrow. And then somehow, I need to make sure that I get plenty of rest for the presentation tomorrow.
So now that I've shared some of my thoughts on college and going home, I'm going to get back to work.