A Season for Reflection

Lent is upon us. Forty days and forty night of sacrifice is upon us. But what I find is that people forget the true purpose of Lent-- it's supposed to be a time when we reflectupon our lives and learn how we can lead our lives more faithfully and live more closely to the Bible. So this year I'm not giving up candy. I'm not giving up cursing or Facebook. Instead I've decided that I'm going to use these forty days to evaluate my life and make decisions to create a more faithful life.

Faith used to play a big part of my life. Especially when I was part of the Peer Ministry at home, I was very into living my life through faith. I miss that. I miss those people. They were some spectacular people that I can't believe I shared so much of my life with. The first year I did, I was the awkward young one, the outsider who was different in a few ways from everyone else. But we had a common thread and common goal. We all lived by the Bible and we all wanted to spread our message of love and acceptance to our peers. I had tried to get out of it-- I was worried about getting a job and becoming an editor at my school newspaper (and how well that turned out!), but Mrs. Riley told me to try it out anyway. I can't believe that I almost missed out on such a group of people. I miss planning Antioch, getting excited to go to Camp Merryheart and leading prayers and discussions where you get to see those around you and yourself opening their hearts and minds and becoming better people for it. I miss listening to White Snake and "Lean on Me" incessantly and singing them when I couldn't hear them. My friends who didn't know what I had experienced would roll their eyes at me, but I really didn't care. I couldn't expect them to understand because I hadn't understood either.
But now, I really only go to Mass when I'm at home and mainly because my parents make me. Why did I let that happen to myself? I guess with the hecticness of college living, church just fell by the wayside. The half hour commute to the center ws a little too much for me. And while college students have been part of the Peer Ministry, I find it nearly impossible to leave on the weekends. So I miss out on those bonding events, the planning meetings, and worst of all, I miss out on Antioch. I still hear "Lean on Me" and think of those amazing people, and everytime I hear "Here I Go Again" I can't help but yell "Hats off for Whitesnake!" even though people just look at me like I'm an idiot.
I miss feeling connected to my faith and feel ashamed that I think of it as too time consuming in my life at school. I wanted to go to Ash Wednesday services today. I felt like if I were to go for a service at the beginning of Lent, I could start reconfirming my faith. Unfortunately my schedule just really doesn't allow for it--that's terrible! I just said how I'm ashamed that I have the feeling that religion is too time consuming, but the fact of the matter is that I do have a lot of school work to get done and that is why I'm in SU.
Anyway, I feel that getting ashes in a reconfirmation of my faith is just too public. I often find myself too public with my faith and don't want to be like that anymore. One Bible passage that always sticks with me is the direction about following a life of prayer and fasting:

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
Matthew 6:05-08, 16-18

I have been thinking about the begining of Lent and what it has to be for me this year, and I feel like that is the true purpose of this day. It's a somber day when we reflect on our faith and the 40 days ahead of us until we celebrate our salvation. And for Lent, that's just what I'll do.

I remember being Confirmed, and honestly I think that was a lot easier. But now I venture out into reConfirmation, I hope that I can find the strength that I had around within me.

I dont know where Im going
But, I sure know where Ive been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An Ive made up my mind,
I aint wasting no more time
But, here I go again
Here I go again

(Hats off for Whitesnake!)