The First Few Weeks in Syracuse

So this is college? Hm, I suppose this is okay. I can get used to it.
I really love the people that I've met. The first week or two we were all very tight and did absolutely EVERYTHING together. It was nice to click with the people on the floor so quickly because it helped get rid of that awkward standard "nice to meet you" phase where you feel as though you're constantly saying "Hi, my name is ____. I'm from ____. I plan on studying ____." Soon it had felt as though we had known eachother for a long time and had just somehow planned to live on the same floor together.
Things have calmed down a bit since then. We're still getting along really well, but I think people are getting more into their routines--it was bound to happen eventually. A week or so before mid-term exams and we're finally settling down! We still love eachother for the most part, but the honeymoon feeling has gone.
I think I kinda like it in a sense. We know eachother a little bit better and are just more comfortable with people.
There are some things about college that I can't stand--like that nagging feeling of incompetence that is bound to hit anyone at 2:30 A.M. as he or she tries desperately to grasp for meaning in convoluted articles so that his or her professor actually thinks that he or she understood what the hell they had to read.
That was me last night. I had been trying to read the articles for my QSX analytical essay (due today) for over a week now. But every time the meaning of the articles got lost in translation as I constantly looked up obscure terms that I had never heard of in my life.
Last night I felt unprepared. I felt as though I had failed myself. I thought I had tricked myself into thinking that I could handle Syracuse, that I could handle college. I wanted to give up. I wanted to go home. I wanted be anywhere but in front of my computer staring at the blinking cursor that mocked me as I struggled.
But then I got to talk to a certain boy that always cheers me up. Maybe people don't understand why I talk to my boyfriend "all the time." He's that one constant in my life. When I talk to him, I know that everything is going to be alright because in that moment I can hear his voice, listen to his thoughts, and be completely and totally focused on him. I feel refreshed.
Anyway, I won't get too gushy right now. Haha.
This morning I realized another thing about college today:
As I was walking through the Quad this morning, I saw many faces. Faces that I thought I knew. Faces that I wanted to stop and talk to. It seems that there's always someone where I am that reminds me of someone from high school. This morning I saw a HHS junior that I had never talked to but saw everyday. Yesterday I saw Kyle getting a sandwich at Goldstein. At least I could text him and tell him that I had gotten the urge to scream "KyKy!" I find myself forgetting the real from the imagined when I see people on campus. I'm not sure if I actually know someone, or someone just reminded me of someone that I had known.
Then there are those people that are irreplaceable in my heart. I have not seen a single Gabe. There have been no Katies. Not a single Leah. And certainly no Felicias. I always wonder what they're up to and wonder what we'd be doing if we were hanging out. I wonder if they know I miss them a bunch.Well, let me tell you, I'd probably watching AD with Katie, or The OC with Felicia. No one here really understands my deep passions for these two shows. And if I were with hanging with Leah, we'd probably be singing and dancing around. Possibly in underwear. Probably to nineties music. Definitely laughing. And if I were with Gabe....if I were with Gabriel right now, all I know is that I would be deliriously happy. That tends to happen a lot.

So to sum it all up, I love college. I love my friends and loved ones from home. I bleed the Orange, but deep down, some of that Orange, I know, is actually from being a Hackettstown Tiger.


carolyn.