The Geek Within Me.

Life continues on, and I feel like I'm settling into a normal setting again. I don't know why I'm like this, but I'm always looking for new people to meet. I feel like there's always one person more I can connect with. That the next person I met, I will know forever. That next person will be my TRUE BFF (how corny!). A guy on my floor was actually talking about it last night while a few of us walked around campus, doing various "chill" things (i.e. The Dome Stomp). He said that he's looking for that core group of friends that he will continuously hang out with for our four years here and for most of our lives. That's what I'm looking for too. But somehow I keep meeting weirdos. I also need to start talking to new people more. But, I'm always too shy to actually talk to someone. What will that person say if I randomly walk up to him or her? What will he or she think? How will he react? Will that person think I'm some creeper? It's likely, so I always chicken out. Ugh. Not cool. So I've set myself a goal. By next weekend, I will have talked to three new people. I don't necessarily have to become good friends with that person--I just have to spark a conversation with him or her. Last night I talked to someone new (meaning I'm still looking for two more people), and he was really chill. We commiserated about the terrible busing system we know and love as CENTRO. Finally, after being quite fed up with waiting at College Place for a non-existent bus, a small group of us (including him) decided that it was a nice enough night to walk. And that's just what we did.
I'm really fed up with Centro in general actually. It's always late or early throwing you into confusion about the schedule and getting to class. And then sometimes it's just socially awkward. The other day I sat down next to some girl. I don't know her; never have I seen her in my life. Soon though, I realize that this girl is VERY upset, and she's crying. Here's my instinct: give her a hug and tell her that it'll be okay and that I hope she feels better. This is just how I was raised--try to brighten someone's day. But that's just weird; that's so sketchy. So I sat there awkwardly, trying hard not to acknowledge that she was so upset, but at the same time, trying to give her kind looks that might tell her, "I'm sorry you're having a crappy day. I hope your day gets better." I think I just came off as dumb.
So I got bold the other day in QSX class today. actually spoke a few times! And it wasn't just clarifying definitions, the way it usually is. I was actually sharing my thoughts, my interpretations. It felt rather good. I was thinking about why I don't talk that much in that class, and this is what I came up with:
I have ideas and opinions about the topics that we're discussing, but I'm not sure how to verbalize these ideas because they are kind of abstract, and more often than not, I can't express them without sounding very idealistic and dumb. Also, when I'm trying to figure out how to say what I want to say, I get worried that I might say something wrong or my word choice will offend that people around me.
I was weird though because I had the most concrete ideas about the most abstract idea that we've discussed so far.

So, I've figured out another thing that I miss since being in college: reading for pleasure. It's terrible that I don't read as much anymore. I remember when I wanted nothing more than a Saturday afternoon spent in the library or Barnes and Noble. This is something that sort of deteriorated when I was in high school because I was so busy, I had to choose between reading and a social life. I chose a social life (sometimes I think I chose wrongly). However, I did read a little bit in high school just for pleasure. Now that I'm in college, there's really absolutely NO time for it. I can't wait to curl up with a good book over breaks. I like being able to escape into other worlds--whether they're truly fantastical or a little more realistic.
Sometimes i wonder if Harry Potter actually ruined reading for me. J.K. Rowling has been credited with getting youth to read with her magical series, but sometimes I wonder if she had the opposite effect on me. Once I got interested in the Harry Potter series, I really got into it. At one point, I wasn't reading anything else. It didn't matter that there were only four books out at the time-- I would just read and reread them, counting down the days until the next installment. When I read other books, I was unimpressed and disappointed. I did read other books but with that same vigor that I once had. So I have another goal. This is going to be difficult because of time constraints, but I aim to read three non school books by the end of the year. Then from there, I'll set another book reading goal. I'm going to train myself to get back into reading.
I'm going to start with The Princess Bride. I started it this past summer, but I never got to finish it. So I'm going to restart. From there, who knows, I'd like to give One the Road another chance even though I didn't like it.
Yes, I realize I sound like a complete and total loser. But I like to think of it as the take back of my personality. I'm trying to reclaim the geek within me.